im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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