Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
