Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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