I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
