So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
