Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
