I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
