This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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