from now on my penis is your penis
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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