no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
