the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
