I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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