11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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