Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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