I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
