I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
