Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize