A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
