Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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