is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
