so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize