I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
