I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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