this boner is exhausting
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
