Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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