On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
