Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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