Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
