then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
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They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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