She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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