i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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