mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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