The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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