I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sarcasm needs its own font
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
