if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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