Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
