Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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