I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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