no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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