This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
