There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
