please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
