and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
