i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
