Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
