We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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