I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
