i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize