so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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