I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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