So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
