Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
