also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize