I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
