Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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