I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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