Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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