Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
