What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
