I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
