Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
