Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
